meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
