i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
