he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
