the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
