it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
