Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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