Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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