Im at strip club and am horny
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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