i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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