A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
