he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i've created a new STD.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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