eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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