I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
