I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
