dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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