I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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