the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
