Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
