One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
