can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize