I think i peed on brittanys purse
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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