I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
