Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
