So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
false alarm. still invincible.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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