Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
