They have a pepper shaker for pot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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