Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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