jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
