My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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