I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
