i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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