he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
