how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
