My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
