I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
