Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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