I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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