Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
