You can't motorboat a personality
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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