you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize