He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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