Where did you get a picture of my penis
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
