Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
