i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
