Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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