In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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