Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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