Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
