if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize