We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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