Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
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So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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