Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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