omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
