I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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