i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize