you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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