I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
