We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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