I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
