her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
