"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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