My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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