I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
worst night to have a conscience
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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