we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
