he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
