Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
