haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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