areolas are like halos for boobs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
