I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
