Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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